No, you’re right. Losing the 3-time WNBA championship woman’s basketball team the Detroit Shock to Tulsa, Oklahoma isn’t like we’re losing a real team. I mean hell, it’s only women’s basketball, right? Since when were women ever considered to be real athletes worth paying for or crying over?
But hey, if we’d lost the Detroit Lions to Tulsa…? The Lions? Now that right there would have been a serious tragedy. Not so much for loss of the team because, well, I mean damn. Get serious. Who’s gonna miss that? But after all that money we spent to build Ford Field? Sheeeeeittt. Those Lions are chained to Detroit until Jesus comes back driving a Ford Escort.
So what does it all mean, Mr. Wizard?
It means we just need to keep pretending that whatever professional sport grown-assed men are participating in, even if they never win a game, it is, by definition, a real, fully legitimate, professional sport deserving full and complete fan support accompanied by full and complete pro athlete salaries. It means that if the stadium concessions charge us $12 dollars for hot dogs and $7 for beer then we can rest comfortably and well- assured that we are witnessing a real sports team in action.
Oh. And do try to ignore that raging soreness that feels like a flaming red-hot poker being shoved not ever-so-gently at all straight up your wildly protesting rectum, the same soreness that’s got you walking bow-legged like a bigscreen cowboy…who starred in Brokeback Mountain. Just keep clicking your heels and repeating, “There’s no place like Tulsa, there’s no place like Tulsa…”
