You know, it’s getting to where I almost don’t care whether or not we get the million dollars in restitution back from Kilpatrick. Seriously. Just…I mean…just leave already. OK, Kwame?
I mean DAMN…
Look… do whatever it takes to keep him out of Detroit and out of Detroit headlines. For now and forevermore. And I do mean whatever it takes. So, like, whoever has the power to make this happen? Get it done, all right? Do we have a deal?
Oh you think this is a joke. No, no. It was Kilpatrick who did all he could to make Detroit the joke, before taking his grand exit to Texas, merrily flipping the bird over his shoulder in our general direction the whole way. Ain’t a damned thing funny about that.
And I am tellllllin you, IIIIIII’m not gooooooing…
So would somebody please take this man out of our lives, so we can get forget about his and move on with ours? I don’t ask for much, God, but please. Just this one little thing I ask of thee. I promise to clean up my room and my plate every day for the rest of my life if you’ll just erase this guy from our existence. Matter of fact, if you could even go so far as to wipe the slate clean and make it as if no one by the name of Kwame Kilpatrick ever existed within the limits of a city named Detroit, I can’t begin to tell you the volume of gratitude this would create. Verily I say unto thee your churches would not be able to contain the numbers that would crowd the doors demanding space in the pews to make their teary-eyed gratitude known.
PLEASE…
Because if I have to read yet another story (which I already know I will) about how the disgraced former mayor continues to live his life as one eternal and everlasting Fuck You to the city he once upon a time proclaimed to love with all his heart, then I do believe I will heartily, vigorously, and continuously vomit all past, present, and future meals all over this city from one corner to the next until there is nothing left of me but a damp clump of spittle, quivering beneath the Might Fist of Joe Louis. Soon, I’m sure, to be replaced by the even mightier middle finger of Kilpatrick, which will, of course, be turned around and pointed toward the city.
So prosecutors say Kilpatrick has been lying about his expenses? That he really has more money lying around than he claimed when he said he only had six bucks a month left over after paying restitution and other bills?
Gee, really? Kwame lied? To US? Oh no. Stop. My poor widdle virgin ears jes can’t take no more. Mommie make it stop.
But alas, no. Because Kwame, like the cockroach, is forever.
